THE FOLD TESTIMONIALS
Laura - Behind The Mask
Hi, my name is Laura and I'm 15 years old. I would like to share with you how God changed my life. I think everyone struggles with worldly messages, especially teenagers who can get so caught up in worldly things and become greedy or selfish about our lives. Matthew 16:24-26 says, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever looses his life for Me, will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” I think those verses really speak about my life, mostly because of my gigantic struggle to trust God in my situations and problems. And also, because there was a time when I tried to go on with life without Jesus Christ.
I was adopted from South Korea when I was three months old and grew up in a Christian home with two older brothers and a loving mother and father. God was central to our family and home and we attended church and Sunday school, but I had difficulty understanding spiritual truths and knowing what God was about. As I entered public school I remember being made fun of a lot because I was the only Asian in the entire school and, I guess, an easy target for kids. That was really hard! But through the name-calling and jokes about me, I always had one person there for me, my father. He was my hero, my protector, and my leader. Sounds like it should be God, but in reality it was my dad. It's not that my father tried to take the place of God, it's just that being young, I didn't realize that I was making him my idol.
Then on April 17, 2003 my father died. We had no warning; he just died suddenly in his sleep. We were shocked and for the first few months we became a dysfunctional family. I heard my mother crying herself to sleep every night and waking up crying; it was torture to hear her and literally my heart ached. I was in 6th grade when all this happened and none of it made sense. I didn't understand why God took him. My friends pulled back from me and didn't seem to notice that I was hurting inside. I kept all of my thoughts and feelings inside—the anguish, anger at God (and life itself), and hopelessness for the future.
After a year of this, I could no longer keep everything inside so I found an outlet. I turned to cutting myself. At first it was just to relieve the pain I felt, but then it became an addiction. By the time I was in 8th grade I was cutting myself almost everyday. It began as a secret, but news got around and I was labeled the “cutter,” the “suicide girl,” and “psycho girl.” None of my friends even stood up for me; I was alone. I skipped school, starved myself, and since I was so depressed I couldn't even get out of bed! I cut my hair and changed my looks. I became “dark” and I was just weird. My family seemed blind to my pain, and I didn't think they noticed I was lost and confused. My family began putting their lives back together but I felt like I had no one on this planet who could understand me. I was having suicidal thoughts, and I...I was losing control over my life. To make matters worse, I believed that God had abandoned me! I took my anger out on my mother and eventually stopped talking to her. Then I overdosed on pills and ended up in the hospital. That's when I knew that my life was spinning out of control. I had been hiding behind a mask of deception. Kind of pathetic, but that's the truth!
After my mother and I interviewed at The Fold and I was accepted, my mom narrowed my options and The Fold sounded nicer to me than military school, but I went without expecting help. At first, it was very hard to be so far away from my home in Washington State. I missed my family and I struggled for the first few months. But I also felt accepted and began to make friends. And for the first time, I opened up to a counselor but it took the first five sessions. At The Fold, I learned how to rebuild my trust in God and to actually believe in Him whole-heartedly. Today, I am able to trust others instead of relying on myself. It's been amazing to see myself change and for the first time, to be happy and have joy. God has been giving me amazing peace over everything in my life. Not only have I've been able to let go of my father, I've been able to forgive my mother and rebuild my relationship with her and my two brothers. I now have hope for my future and today, I can stand firm in my belief in Christ and not be afraid to share my faith and spiritual insights.
My return home will have a number of new beginnings. Next fall I will be living in Seattle, Washington and, hopefully, attending an online school instead of the public school. My mother and her fiancée are getting married in October, so I will have a new stepfather, which I anticipate will be a good thing. After my sophomore year of high school I plan to attend Bellevue Community College and begin the “Running Start” program for my junior and senior years. I have lots of plans beyond high school but do not know if they are God’s plans for me. So, I intend to trust Him to lead me by opening and closing doors. Proverbs 14:13 says, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.” There will always be hard times but I want to face them in God’s strength. Right now, my desire is to attend the University of Washington, study human interpersonal relations and earn a business degree. Maybe somewhere in all of that I will have time to study cosmetology as well. Romans 15:1 says, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” Because I personally experienced this, I need to remember that sometimes people can be blind to another’s pain. I do not want to overlook the fact that others are just “okay” or “fine.” This verse has helped me to remember the purpose of “pleasing” others, which is to build them up instead of myself.
Something I’ve realized is that we don't know when someone, or even you, might leave this earth, and we won't get a second chance to say goodbye. So learning to be genuine and caring with those you love is very important. I had forgotten how special my mom is to me, and I treated her horribly. Saying, “I love you,” is important to me now—even if my mom already knows that. And, it's nice to hear someone actually saying it to me out loud.
I am determined to maintain good relationships with my family and friends and look at the bright side of things instead of the negatives. I'm eagerly waiting to see what God has planned next for my life and I want to do His will and not my own. Lately, God has been teaching me patience with Himself, others, and life itself, which can be hard but worth learning because we never really know what God is planning on doing next; our part is to watch and wait.
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